Nice Guy's Amazing Adventures with those Chaps he met from the Slaughterhouse

Nice Guy's Amazing Adventures is a fanfic by frustratedFreeboota. It was originally posted on SpaceBattles on the 30th of March, 2017. It can be read on SpaceBattles here.

Nice Guy's Amazing Adventures is an account of Nice Guy's time in the Slaughterhouse 9. It is darkly comedic in nature. The fic is noncanonical, with the accounts of events not lining up with canon membership of the Slaughterhouse 9, though some readers have attributed this to Nice Guy's memories being implanted.

Summary
Nice Guy skips over the details of his trigger, beginning his story with his first meeting with Jack Slash. The two share a coffee, and Nice Guy is led through his demolished home town to meet with an anachronistic collection of Slaughterhouse 9 members from different incarnations of the team. Aided by his power, he swiftly makes friends with the rest of the team, becoming particularly fond of Screamer. Nice Guy is put through a series of trivial tests to join the 9, including fighting Chuckles above a pit filled with spikes, and making Crimson a cocktail using two virgins named Mary. Nice Guy brags of a sexual liason with Skinslip.

The Nine are collectively heading towards a birthday party for Gray Boy, and along the way they lose Chuckles and collect Breed. Releasing a horde of Breed's bugs on Disney World, killing a number of Florida protectorate members, and collecting potential recruits from those that trigger, the celebrations are ended when Glaistig Uaine arrives and collects Gray Boy. Skinslip attempts to kill Jack Slash, and Jack Slash kills him in return, and cuts out one of Nice Guy's eyes.

Nice Guy's relationship with Screamer is cut brutally short during an encounter with Alexandria, which Nice Guy survives due to his power. He loses interest in the Nine without her, even after aiding Night Hag in destroying a PRT Headquarters through violent lovemaking with a Protectorate hero also able to possess buildings.

Nice Guy eventually relates an account of his own death, and seemingly immediate resurrection as part of a clone army of Slaughterhouse 9 members. He socialises with other variations of himself, that each adopt variations on the original's name in an effort to seem more individualistic. Nice Guy dubs himself "A Nice Guy" and wanders off shortly after a fight with Golem to find a bar to wait out the end of the world in. He gets drunk with a Damsel of Distress and a Crawler, and wakes up in time for Scion to end the world. Nice Guy then relates an account of himself, alive and happy after Gold Morning, reunited with Screamer.

Going back a bit, Nice Guy resumes telling the story of Gold Morning, and how he is recruited by Cauldron to serve them. He passively resists and ignores their orders at every oppurtunity, putting up little resistance to the Irregulars when they arrive to fight Cauldron. He relates an encounter with Number Man during which he provokes the former Harbinger repeatedly, eventually losing an eye. Eventually, he reunites with Damsel of Distress and a member of the Irregulars, and the three manage to escape Cauldron's headquarters just in time for Khepri to kidnap them all. Nice Guy is annoyed to have had his time wasted saving the world, but is happy to wander the wastes of Earth Bet, committing random acts of violence.